Bad Mood Day

Motivation. I totally lack it when it comes to schoolwork. Not to say that I'm a slacker, or even that I choose to take the easy courses, or that I don't do my work. I take the AP and UniversityHS level classes, and I have an A in all of my classes minus UHS Pre-Calculus. In seventh grade I chose to skip a year in math and science each so I started high school courses in eighth grade (a lot of other kids got the option too- it's nothing too unusual in my school). I participate for the most part, hand in my work on time and finished, and I've never skipped a single class. I am ranked at number 38 out of a class of 378 (or something close to that). My friends are all smart people as well, and we are a great group of non-partying people. Parents, I'm sure, would love to have any of us as their children. I have a few extracurricular activities: dance classes for 8 years, debate club 10th grade, newspaper club 10th grade, and best buddies organization this year. See? I'm really a good student, but why do I feel like I'm so slow? Like I have no motivation? I do most of these things not because I "want to challenge myself" or any of that nonsense, but because I know colleges will like me better or because I want to have a class of people I like rather than sit in a class with all the kids who really REALLY don't care about school. I took the 'easy' chem class last year, and since I'm a year ahead of my grade, I was stuck with the grade above me = I knew no one. Everyone wanted my answers on homework or wanted to be my partner so they wouldn't have to do any work, ext. I was so sick of them all. Hence, I'm now in the upper level classes so I can be with people I know, and like, who won't constantly try to cheat off my papers and then get angry at me if they copied one of my wrong answers.

So here I am, facing 3 AP exams in early or mid May, 2 UHS finals in June, my second SAT in June, plus all of the other finals and state regulated exams also in June. And I don't feel like studying. Lame, aren't I?

And then what? So say for kicks I get into the college I want. The work is just harder in college anyways, right? Will I be one of the "burn outs" that was good in high school but used up way too much energy and flunk out of first semester? I am really worried about this now... yet still I cannot muster up what it takes to sit down and write practice essays or compete problems 3-37 odds. Does this mean I can't be as worried as I think I am? That deep down I'm just waiting and expecting to turn into a flunkie?

I am so confusing myself here, and undoubtedly anyone else who is reading this. The easy solution that you must be screaming at the computer screen is JUST STUDY THEN! I know, I get it- I'm not stupid.

Secondly, I'm having a bad hair day. I have a whole army of flyaway hairs that are all around my face and stick out like the rays of the sun that little kids draw. Or like a lion's puffy hair that frames its face. Not half as flattering on a human girl, let me tell you. I've pulled it all back, dried it, put smoothing serum in it, let it down again- NOTHING makes it better. Stupid hair.