*Yawns*

And so I shake off the dust that has accumulated over the long period of my break from writing. A lot had happened since I last wrote (last year!!!) but I won't bog everything down with a huge summary. Instead, I'm going to record the story of my one of my greater puppy loves from days long gone, for no more reason than because I want to.

It happened in middle school, in the year of T-shirts, blue jeans, and self consciousness. I met a boy in the way that most schoolgirls do- in a class I had. He sat in front of me, and I'm sorry to say that I ended up oblivious to my friend for most of the year, distracted by his jokes and teasing. This boy was a nice one, but I was stuck quite firmly in between a hardy friendship and a flickering crush. The end of the year came swiftly, and the yearbooks were handed out to everyone. I was shocked when he splayed his out on my desk one day and thrust me a pen, asking quietly if I would please give me my phone number in case he wanted to call. It was hot out, and the middle school had no air conditioner. That's the thing about living in the Northeast- you get all the seasons at full force. Teachers turned on the fans they lugged in from home, closed blinds to block out the sun, and fashioned paper fans out of scarce scrap paper, but we all knew they had no effect. It was one of those days that I took the pen from him and scribbled out a note, signed my name, and tacked on my number to the end of a corner in the back. I fished out my book and he signed. Class went on, we joked, talked about summer, and poked fun at the elderly teacher Mrs. Cam.
I didn't have to wait long before he called. We talked for at least an hour every time, if not two. My parents took to answering the phone before me, holding it out, and calling out "Honey, your boy is calling again!" Especially my dad. Well, I'd throw them a look with a roll of my eyes and snatch at the phone for another long conversation about nothing: the weather, pool parties, boredom, friends, vacations and summer reading assignments. I thought that I'd found the friend I'd always read about in books- the one that you can tell anything to, talk for hours on end, confide in and be together 'till the end. But I also can't deny that I also had a crush on him, the dear boy. One day I called and left a message for him: would he like to come mini-golfing with me and my brother and cousin? He didn't get the message in time, and so we went without. The next week he called me and told me he had to go mini-golfing with his grandparents and didn't want to go alone with them. I checked with my parents and said sure I'd go! Ha!
Turned out his grandparents weren't really going golfing with us at all- they dropped us off and left. I was confused beyond my mind, but I went with the flow, not wanting to sound as if I didn't want to hang out with him. I just wished he'd asked that outright, because the answer would've been yes. Then the hints started coming. He insisted that he buy the game for us both, and I waved my own ten dollar bill in front of him, explaining that my mom wanted me to help with the cost. He refused and I put the money away, not liking where this was going. We played a game just fine. All talking and teasing again, and I relaxed. We turned in our clubs and neon golf balls and wandered inside where snacks, ice cream, and fried foods were sold. A couple pinball machines hid inside the "party room" reserved for birthday parties. Again the hints happened. We both wanted popcorn chicken and french fries, and I had to argue to pay for my own. And you know what? I don't even remember if he let me pay this time for my own or not. We brought the food outside and sat on the wooden steps on the porch. Then we took a walk around the building, and here's where I started to wonder when his grandparents were going to pick us up. I shook myself off and went along, ignoring the signs, not wanting to ruin our friendship with silly suspicions.
"If you could have one wish right now, what would it be?" he asked suddenly, slowing down our pace. I countered with the same question, but he pointed out that he had asked first. In the background a romantic song played, "A Moment Like This", and I recognized it from a cruise commercial I had seen on the TV, full of couples laughing and racing on the beach together. I shrugged and smiled slightly. 'I wish he'd kiss me.' The thought startled me and I wondered if it really had come from my own mind. But I had thought it. I shrugged and shook my head. "I don't know. Nothing, I guess." I copped out. I didn't really want a boyfriend, it was only the small crush talking to me. Everything clicked together then. He would have wanted me to say that, because that was the relationship he wanted- the paying for my game, his family dropped us off alone- it was planned. I started to panic like some cornered thing. I kept walking and sat down on the other side of the porch. He sat down a stair below me and the conversation veered back to normal. I still fingered my cell phone, wondering if I should lie and tell him I had to go home soon.
He mumbled something, and I couldn't understand what he had said. It sounded like an invitation to his family's camp later that summer, we were just talking about it the second before, but I couldn't be sure. "What?" I asked. The poor boy hunched his shoulders and glanced down at his hands, "Don't make me say it again." he pleaded. The alarm bells should have gone off at that, but I asked again, explaining that I really hadn't heard it. Another second of silence, and he fidgeted. "Would you go out with me?". I clammed up at that. He was asking me out as plain as day, asking that I be his girlfriend. I still to this day wish that I had done something different after that, but I can't change the past. I pretended that I hadn't heard him again. "What? I'm sorry, I didn't catch it again. Oh well, I should be getting home soon, my parents gave me a curfew this afternoon, you know." I blabbered on, and then it got really quiet. I think he knew I'd heard him, he'd been very clear about it the second time around. He phoned his family and they picked us up. The ride back to my house was a silent one. I scrambled out of the truck and didn't look back. The calls were either so scarce after that that I don't remember them or he just didn't call after that. I was disappointed that I lost the great friend I had thought he was. I really hadn't tried to lead him on, I swear it, but it all went wrong.
By the time school came that September, the boy was always waiting at my locker in the morning. Apparently he was determined to win me over, despite that summer. I avoided my locker and told no one about him, not my friends or my mother. I thought it was all my fault, and I didn't know how to handle him at all. Worst thing was, I did still have the smallest crush on him, but I was turning out to be flighty when it came down to the punch. He got me one morning, and handed me a giant white gift bag with a stingy bow attached, gauzy gift paper spilling out of it. He explained that he bought me it in Maine on a family vacation, then just smiled and left, that was it. I opened it- a pink rhinestone heart on a silver necklace chain. It didn't look expensive, almost like something you'd get out of a little dollar vending machine in the mall, but I couldn't be sure of it. I still avoided my locker, and I feel terrible about doing that. I called him one night before dinner and explained that I was going to give him the necklace back so he could give it to another girl who'd appreciate it more that I would. I was only a friend, and wasn't ready for anything else. I hung up, and that was that.
But it was his turn to avoid me, and I couldn't find him to give the gift back. I gave up trying and kept it in a drawer in the bathroom. A month later I threw it out. If he wouldn't take it back, I certainly wasn't going to keep it. I feel bad about that too.
The puppy love ended.