Revenge and Love

I think these two things are the most dangerous things in the world of the human mind. I know I've wrote before of my pleasure in watching revenge movies, and then a few posts later, of my sucker-ness for romantic ideals. Both are passionate, soul-consuming, and in the truly intense cases, everlasting. Think about it. It's like the more common thought path of "there's a fine line between love and hate." This is my personal spin-off, then, if you'd like to think of it that way.

But I don't think revenge is the same as hate. Hate in my muddled mind is twisted on its own accord, warped by actions that were chosen. Revenge is an emotion twisted by other's actions, it poisons the soul of a person who is at first unwilling to drink down the bitter contents. For a grand example of this to better understand me, watch The Count of Monte Cristo. (Enough said about this movie- it's most certainly up there with Gladiator on my list.) Revenge, as I previously said, is powerful. It has the ability to change a person entirely to an extreme version of the previous man or woman. It compromises priorities, because it will always come first, and also changes morals/ethics previously held strong. Like I said- twisted, but brought upon by outside forces. The key is, it can be a revocable emotion, but only through time and eye opening events gone right.

Now for love. Some stray cat thoughts that may sweep into the front of your brain may be warm, strong, right, genuine, wanted, romance. And I can't say I don't think those things as well. It's what people want, to be loved. Everyone. Yet others would think hurt, chains, tainted, strain, loss, grief. Because it's both things at once, in a way. This is the reason that this love-at-first-sight theory creeps me out. So you're walking down the street and *boom* you now love that man who walked by you. What the heck is that? It's insanity! You don't know who he is, who he may or may not be with, what he likes, doesn't like, if you'd work together, if he'd ever love you back. Love makes slaves out of people. Again, sorry to sound depressed fortune-cookie here, but it's true. Love can change a person- their priorities, morals, stability, reactions. Sound familiar? Like revenge, it also can fade with time, or with eye opening events and revelations.

And I'm not trying to be anti-love or anything, because I know it can go right, but I just thought this was curious. I had been thinking about how scary love truly was and the revenge part came to me while watching, you guessed it- the Count of Monte Cristo this evening. Go figure. Now my point of this is, again, to compare the two passionate, consuming emotions. Maybe this explains why people are drawn to stories of both, like me.

Best Buds and Reading Revalries

Can you believe that I don't really have a best friend? A really true blue one, that is. I could always go and say, 'Oh, why all of my friends are my best friends!" with a fake barbie-doll smile, but really? I have a few friends that are closer to me than others, and I really do love them, but I couldn't name one as my best friends in a snap. And if I did name one over the others, then the chances of that person naming me her best friend as well is still slim. Isn't the whole point of having a best friend that that person also views you the same way? It couldn't work out quite right if it wasn't so. I'm not trying to diss my friends, as I think a lot of them do know me really well and can be viewed as my best friend, but I want to have a rock solid for sure one.

I want one. The kind of best friends duo that you see in the movie theaters, the kind that tell each other pretty much everything, that know one another's family so much that they practically are part of each family, that will grow up together and never separate because of stupid fights or rifts, that understand each other better than anyone else, the kind that grows up to live in the same town/city and know each other's own family as husbands and kids come into the picture. Then their children become best friends and the fun continues. Seriously? This is my list that needs to be checked off, and frankly, to fulfill all of it, I need to get a move on. I ain't exactly getting any younger here, now am I?

Hey- can't every one's mother be their best friend? It can work that way right? Not the same as the friendship that I just described above, but not necessarily a bad thing at all. It could be better in certain ways, right? There's a much, much lower chance of ever losing touch- you're family, right? And mom's are cool (really, they are). My Mom I can see as my bestest buddy. She'd be up to it, and what mother doesn't know a heck of a lot (more than we daughters think) about their kids, especially their girls. I already tell her a lot. Hmmm.

Can I have both? Wouldn't that be awesome? A best-friend mom and a best friend peer thing going on would be the prime thing to strive for, I think. It would make life a lot more colorful for a long time to come. And again, this isn't to diss my friends in any way at all, I still love you guys, and I wouldn't trade you all for just one super-friend, because that shouldn't be a good thing either. It's good to have a group of girlfriends, too.

SO- reading. I love it. Don't know if I've ever mentioned this before, but I seriously do. Almost to the point of having a problem, if you know what I mean. As in: 'Homework tonight? Ah, but I need to reread this book before the next one in the series comes out! I'll have years more of schooling, but only one month before this I get this book... I'd better get reading then!' And yeah, this is very like to a conversation I'd normally have with myself, no joke. Out of all of my priorities, reading is no doubt at the top of the tiers, above writing even. At least for now it is, because eventually I guess I might have to kick reading down a level to place a love interest or later a husband in.... But that sad (is it?) day is years and years away from my reality now. Reading is the ruling monarch of my life.

I could, of course, now launch into that cheesy thing that everyone says to try to explain why reading is so totally amazing- that whole 'It takes me to a whole new word'- cue Aladdin music soundtrack thing. I'll try to refrain from using those jaded remarks, but it's so hard, because they're *true* cheesy remarks. For sure I'm a fantasy/fiction reader. For the most part I avoid non-fictions, sci-fi, and, I don't know what to call it, uh, real-life-like stories? You know, the ones about prom, sex, drugs, and high school geeks trying to break into the popular crowd. Those I hate. Okay, hate is a strong word... I really hate them. I like a couple biographies of choice- one particular favorite of Walt Disney, and even a handful of historical-fiction novels, like Snow Flower and the Secret Fan, as seen to the left on my list. But fantasy is the MVP. There are people that think fantasy books are lame and only geeks read them, but c'mon people! Fantasy books have the largest audience out of all the genres, and I am no geek, and neither are my friends who love them as I do. Yes, we read fantasy novels, and they rock out loud.

I'll probably bother you sometime later about more on books, because like I said, books are the top priority in this muddled mind of me.

Deep Stuff

So if I ever got a chance to ask God a question (and this is if I could ask this without first dying, assuming that Jesus really was the Son of God, and today assuming that I believe in him... maybe), I'd ask "Why didn't you choose to be a woman when you came down?"

For some reason, taking the bus home or something, I thought about this. Why? If he was to represent everyone that was mistreated or downtrodden- then shouldn't he have, to be the "lowest of the low" for that time, been a her? Or a slave? But he was a (poor?), healthy, likeable man. A man could rise in the social status, right? A woman could only through marriage... Oh, geez, I'm probably so wrong about the specifics, as I'm not a bible reader, as you may have guessed. Did he not want to be a female because nobody would have listened to him (even more than he had had issues with as a man)? Were the biblical people not ready for a Messiah that was also a female? What would have happened differently? Would we have worshipped her like we do Jesus? And yes, I know this is confusing and complicated because she would be the same person/soul thingy, just in female form.

I'm just wondering would God have created such a large worship base with a female, or might we have written her off as a nut job? More on this later...

My Amazing Horoscope, Backpacking Thoughts and the Evil Encroaching Midterms

"Imagination can change the channels on the TV set of your mind so fast that you don't know what's happening. One minute all is copacetic, but then your thoughts jump to another realm, leaving you no easy way back. There's no need to struggle with any of this. Once you accept the inevitability of change, you'll most likely be able to go anywhere the currents flow."

I read this on my google custom homepage just now and was like- whoa. Deep, isn't it? It sounds a little bit like a very long-winded fortune cookie, or a bunch of fortune cookie-papers sewn together. I still like it though, despite the cliche of it all. I left out the part of which house my moon was in or something like that- this chunk is the good stuff. Anyways, I wonder who writes these things, and do they get paid to do this? Hmmmm *moment of silence*, perhaps I'll never know... how sad.

So on to part two of my random thoughts post: backpacking. I sort of want to do it. I just finished reading an article on this one guy's advice and expiriences he has on backpacking. He went to Australia and had a blast. He made it sound really good! I'll probably drop this idea in a few days, possibly a few weeks even, but it's nice to think about for a bit. If I were to go, I'd go after college- the summer after I graduate I think. I don't know if I'd go to Europe or Australia/New Zealand. If I go to Australia I can learn how to SURF. Yes, surf, that odd idea that some long ago humans decided to invent- "let's go get that thin peice of wood and bring it out in the ocean. Once out there, we'll stand on it and have it bring us back." I mean really, who thinks of these things? Anyways, I think it's a cool thing to think about (backpacking in general- not the invention of surfing... well... ok, that too)

Yes, yes- my midterms are quickly (too quickly) approaching. Wasn't September, like, two days ago, or is it just me? Okay- that was a lie- September did feel like eons ago, but truth be told I just don't want to take these darn tests! Teachers treat this week (midterm/regents week) like it's a vacation or something. They love it- sitting around doing nothing. We hate it with a passion. I can barely make it through some of the one unit tests my math teacher chucks at me, let alone a test that covers all the units up till now and counts for twenty percent of our grades. Es ridiculoso. So ridiculous that I just used spanish there. APUSH and english i'm not too worried about, but let's just say I'm not a pre-calculus (where D's are a familiar sight) and physics (AP land is not where you should move to, trust me) kind of a person. I should study.... definetly should. And yet...

Obama- The Best Thing since Sliced Bread?

So today Barack Hussein Obama became President Obama, 44th president of the United States of America. I was going to save this post for tomorrow, but I just had to get this time stamped for 1/20/09, the day it happened, you know?

The teachers were told to keep the televisions on all day today, with it up to them if sound was on or not. Half of mine just ignored the news all together and shut them off. But the important thing was- I got to watch the inauguration of Vice President Biden and President Obama, and his inaugural speech. I was supposed to be in lunch, but I was (rightfully) worried that I wouldn't get to hear anything if my friend Shannon and I went to the giant, noisy, applesauce throwing cafeteria. So we went with a bunch of other students to out APUSH teacher's room to watch. And then we ate and watched history take place.

I was so excited to watch this. First time I've ever seen a presidential inauguration. I'll remember where I was and how I felt when he swore in.

We were shocked when Obama paused while repeating his oath of office. He must have been so nervous. Knowing that millions are watching you on their TVs, and thousands more from the streets behind you. Becoming the leader of the free world isn't a fancy free sort of thing. I felt... astounded when he paused, forgetting his repetition line. And then I was glad to know that he's only human, too. Then my dad told me the Cheif Justice (Roberts?) mixed up the words- that's why he paused. Whoa. That has never happened before, I don't think.

That aside, the swearing in was otherwise uneventful, and his speech was eloquent- made for binding Americans together. I hear critics saying he didn't mention any specifics, but inauguration speeches aren't laundry lists, they're to make us as a people feel strong and confident behind our new leader. It spoke of the things that all good politicians focus on- bipartisanship, big change, equality and opportunity for all, and an appreciation for the previous office holder (in this case, former President George W. Bush). It flowed, and was everything it should be. Nothing brilliant, nothing bad. Good.

Now as some might notice, I wasn't an Obama fan for the election. I think that people got swept away a little by his oratory skills and promises of "big change" that was never really identified beyond ideals. This Obama Cult thing is scary. I saw on the news a crowd of people marching in India wearing Obama cut out masks. Like, twenty kids in school wearing Obama t-shirts. There's already talk of adding his face to Mount Rushmore, and he hasn't been president for a full day yet. Patriotism is good, but "Obamica" or "Obama Nation" is bad, creepy, and weird. What's going to happen if he makes a mistake (he will, it's impossible not to)? Will that gigantic fan-girlish base turn on him or just become fiercely protective of him? He's human, okay? I know enough to be aware that there is a chance he will fail to be what people are building him up to be. He's in the big leagues now. Please, please don't worship him- it's probably extra pressure for his heavy load knowing that he's so many people's god. And the thing that gets me is his constant alluding to his father's African heritage when the last time he had contact with his father was when he was ten years old. I think the glorious thing is that his single mother brought him up to be such a successful young man, not the color of this absent father's skin.

But the thing is- I'm not going to mope about for four years and curse at his leadership. I've never insulted Obama himself, and I agree that he is a fantastic orator and motivator. I applaud him for his natural skills. No one has seen the country this exited and moved in I don't know how long. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. I want him to succeed, and just because he wasn't my first choice doesn't mean I want him to fail just for spite- no, no. I want him to succeed. Please God, let him prove me wrong here. Raise up this country of mine, of his, of ours.

On a lighter note- one of my favorite parts of the ceremonies was that older gentleman who said at the end of his prayer "when brown can stick around, when yellow will be mellow, when the red man can get ahead, man, and when white will embrace what is right." Yeah, is it a little on the offensive side (implies that 'whites' are racist or are not currently doing anything right, or that 'yellows' are hyped up or something... that sort of analysis), I like it. I think the old man was just trying to lighten up the mood, no need to be picky about it. Another of my favorites was the bands that marched before the President before he got into "the beast". The colonial looking people with white wigs and tricorn hats were all the rage. Hehehe. They did toe points when they walked...

All in all, historic day. May Obama's Presidency honeymoon period be sweet.

Plates- not the kind you eat off of

So... now that I will soon have a car, I want license plates for it- personalized plates, that's right! After I posted yesterday I went to the DMV site and looked up possible plates for a couple of hours. Here's what I've got:

• FAIREST or FAIREST1 (as in "Who's the fairest one of all?")
• DISNY 3 (this would follow my family's plates)
• DARE2BE (this is just cool- face it)
• DSNYEARS (Disney ears- as in mickey mouse)
• A DISNEY (A for ashley)
• WDWFREAK (WDW = walt disney world, for those non-disney people out there)
• LUV2WRIT (I do like writing)
• READ ALL (yes, i read. a heck of a lot)
• DISNEY17 (just because the number was open)

Pretty fair list I've got going there, huh? I really don't know which one to choose... But I do like FAIREST1, DARE2BE, and A DISNEY, I think. I've got a while (forever, if I wanted, I don't need to have these plates, but I certainly want them badly enough) to choose. I want to pick the right one, after all. My dad put is trying to help me decide (he wants DISNY 3, and mom wants LUV2WRIT) so he put it up as a poll on his disney boards for his buddies to vote on. Link = http://allthingswdw.conforums.com/index.cgi?. The only thing with this poll is that it is a DISNEY board, and so the non-disney things will naturally be pushed to the wayside, and I didn't have DARE2BE as an option because I hadn't found it when the poll went up. I'll have a hard time choosing here...

Car Car Car Car... and CAR

YAY! My first car is on its way into my life. Another stepping stone of life is about to be added to my path. How cool is that? It is a Subaru Impreza 2.5i, paprika red exterior, cream colored cloth seats and black and cream dash, 4 wheel drive, 4 speed automatic, iPod hookup jak, about every air bag ever know to man, and side molding along the doors (for those darn wild shopping carts that may try to ding my poor baby).

I get to pick it up on Wednesday this week. My parents and I (plus my bro, he wanted to tag along) went today to look at it and test drive it. I was surprised the nice car sellers let me drive it around with my family with only a driver's permit. Hmm. But anyways, it felt good, and I think it's just a little bit bigger than Jay's Hyundai. I like it better than Jay's. Like, a lot better. That's probably just because it will be mine, but I'd like to think that it really is just better. (Pssst... it is)

Now I don't want anyone to think- oh, what a prissy little spoiled thing this one is- her parents buy her a new car. How rich they are to buy during this economic hard time. Stop thinking that now. I have to pay for the down payment, and then they take over for payments and insurence. And now you're thinking 'Oh, now it's all much clearer, isn't it?' as you roll your eyes. I know I'm lucky, and I feel undeserving, but I'm taking it anyways. My parents want to give me a little more than their parents could give them, just as I'll one day want to give my kids a little more than my parents gave me- it's the way of the world. They want me to succeed, and to focus on my schoolwork. Is that all that bad? And they were going to wait until my bro goes to college this summer, but the car dealerships are hurting now, and prices are waaaay down. We actually got mine for less than the dealership had bought it for. Now is the time to buy, if you can. And we could. So this is the story of how my car has come to be.

This paprika red thing really looks red in this picture, but it sort of looks more orange in real life. Which is a good thing, really good, because orange is my favorite color. Not the obnoxious neon orange that traffic directors wear, but the pumpkin pie or autumn-y orange trees.

Now for the license plate dillema that I have- I want a personalized plate. But what to put on it? Well, Dad wants me to get a disney-themed plate that will match my mom and his car's plates, but I don't want to be like the Ewings (Dallas reference there- look it up). And now I don't know what to put on it. I get 8 characters of space. I e-mailed my buddies for their opinions, and I'm on the DMV site looking up what seems interesting. So far, no canolli. I will persist.

I'm very happy that it has an antenna, so I can put up my mickey-mouse antenna toppers that I've been saving up. So yay! And no, I have not yet named my car. At the moment I am calling it baby, but maybe I'll call it the Little Visiter until I come up with a real one. No no, I'll just stick with baby for now. And if you're wondering, what the heck is she talking about- I name pretty much everything that I have, especiually if it is an electronic. My iPod's name is Kermit, my computers name is Addy, the school computers are called Betty or Bertha, and my dad's car is called Edna. Yeah, I'm that insane.

But yes, I'm getting a car. I'll drive it around a lot in the next couple months, and then take my 5 hour and get my driver's license. Then defensive driving and driver's ed this summer for insurance savings (which are a lot). So...

YAY!